Meditation. Inner Peace. Mindfulness and living in the present. All that sounds amazing and I have been devouring everything I could read. Listening to guided meditations, and practicing almost every day (need to do better – I know). But I have to admit, this shit is HARD.
First of, have you ever tried to sit quietly and think of absolutely nothing? Well, if you’re like me, finding 15 minutes in your day when you could afford to think of nothing seemed like a rarity. Now I realize that it really is a necessity, but it’s an elusive one.
My first attempts basically consisted of sitting in a cross-legged position on the floor and contemplating how much my legs hurt for the first 5 minutes, which soon became some concern over the fact that I couldn’t feel my left leg and wasn’t completely sure I was going to be able to stand when it was FINALLY time to get up off the floor. That took about 10 minutes the first time, and I was done.
But I kept at it, and I have to admit it’s getting easier. My mind still wanders, but I’m able to bring it back. I do feel amazing afterwards, and I believe it’s helping me to see a path that I would choose for myself. I feel more grateful, less stressed, and for the first time in my life I am beginning to get a real sense of who I am, and who I want to be.
So I’ll keep at it, accept what I’m learning, and accept the changes that it’s bringing about in my life. I can see that it’s going to change things, but I can’t wait to see what those changes bring.